The Red Vandal
by The Cowardly Christian
Summary: Time Travelers Pig AU! What if keeping the Pig hurt Wendy WORSE then a black eye? What if she got thrown through the ages alone, never aging, and naked. What would become of her? And what lengths would Dipper go to get her back? Inspired by E350's Unstuck.


**Tales of the Falls**

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

**ANNOUNCEMENT!**

**I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!**

**SUMMARY:**  
**On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!**

**The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.**

**...**

**AN: Inspired by 'E350's' 'Unstuck'**

...responses...

...III...

Dipper sighed, "Wendy, I just wanted to say that, well I just wanted say that people makes mistakes, and when they do, you should forgive them. And also that tight pants are overrated."

"Dude, you lost me." Said Wendy.

Dipper sighed as he picked up the ball that was 'destined' to whack Wendy, "I know."

Indeed, Wendy was more right then she'd ever know, for the cosmic scales- per Dipper's choices would ensure that for want of a pig, Dipper's chances with Wendy would be forever lost...as it was hundreds of universes...

Thankfully, this is NOT one of those universes-

**WHACK!**

**OW! My Ey-**

**ZAP!**

Dipper blinked, where the love of his life once stood...was now nothing but a pile of clothes... "What the- Suddenly he was treated to the sight of Robbie wetting his pants and screaming/running like a little girl away from something he just saw behind Dipper...

**"̷͈̹̖̺͔̬͙̤̩̥͓̘̀̃̿͆̆͆̑̈́̄́̓͜͝͠P̸̻͖̬̤͎̲̻̟̄́̌̽̉̿̐̂̔̈̉̆̅ͅã̴̡͍̪̫͎̻͓͕̻̜͑́͐̊͑͒̈́̐̈́̂͜ͅŷ̷̢̧̺̳̥̺̺͉̇̈́̇m̷̟̠͓̬̣͎͍̥̖̤͇̱̰̔̈̂̑̃͘ę̶̣̈́́̑ͅņ̴̟̲͈̘̹̋́t̶͈̆͂̑̎͌͗̈́̍͒̓̊̉̒͋́ ̵̥̲̯̝̮͑̊͋̈́̄͠r̶̨̗̱̙͆̾̍͝ė̵̺͕̘̳̥̝̯̘͕͖̙̏̽͜ͅͅc̴̙̰͔̪̑̽̆̈͛̀̆͒̅̕̚e̸̢̡̦̰̹͙̥͍͓͖͚̩̊̽̏̀̂̅̾ͅi̸͕͔͖̱̊̌̿̏̅̽͗̍̉̽̋͘͜͠v̶̻̫͖͑͑̀̿̌̋̈́͌͌̂̉̚̚̚e̸̜̥̹̔̑̀̑͊̈́̿̇͊̊͂̚͝͝͠-̵̛̱̰̲̖̌̈́̓͗̆͘̕̚͝ (cough!) Sorry, I meant 'Payment has been received'."**

Dipper turned around and gaped at the monster before him; He had no face, was long and slender, and wore a business suite...be most importantly...what set him apart from all the other monsters Dipper had faced...was the sense of sheer...'Wrongness' his very existence seemed to cause to the world around him...like a foreign bacteria trying to hijack an alien host...

**"Ah, the Brother. Tell Mable that payment was received and our deal is complete."**

This got Dipper out of his shock, "Wait...payment? Deal? Mable? What are you talking about?! Where's Wendy?"

The thing chuckled, **"Ah, allow me to explain...an hour from now in the 'Wendy doesn't get hurt' timeline I approach Mable and make her an offer: let me give her the ability to teleport forward in time with you as well as make herself look destitute and pathetic in order to make you feel guilty...and in exchange Wendy gets a 'blow'."**

Dipper's eye's widen in horrified disbelief, "Wait...are you saying Mable played me?"

**"No, a 12 year old girl manged to survive a month with no food, water, bathroom, or rest...and no one saw the need to give her medical attention."** He said in a sarcastic voice. He then transforms into Soos, waving a familar flag, "Here we have Miserable Mable!" He says in a perfect imitation of Soos's voice.

Dipper's eye's widen in horror, "Your right...it doesn't make any sense! ...Oh...my Bunyan...Mable tricked me! Tricked me into hurting Wendy to get her stupid pig back...wait, what about Wendy? WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER!?" He demanded.

Slenderman laughed, "Foolish Mable thought when I said 'blow', that I meant Wendy would simply get the blow to the eye she got originally...but instead I gave her a mystic 'blow'...that threw her into the temporal void! She'll be bouncing between different time streams forever! Tell Mable I hope the pig was worth it!"

He laughed and vanished before Dipper could say anything, he falls to his knees and sobs...

And then an oblivious and happy Mable ran screaming toward him to give him a hug.

"BRO! BRO! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU-

**CRACK!**

To Mable's shock she finds herself on the ground, her teeth chipped and bleeding, "Dipper, Wh- SHUT UP! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU AND YOUR STUPID PIG!" Before Mable's eye's Dipper grabs up a squealing Waddles and throws him into a nearby deli slicer-

**WADDLES!**

Screamed a teary eye's Mable as she tries to run and save her 'soulmate', only to once again find herself hurt and on the ground as a furious Dipper pummeled her-

"YOU- CRACK! -BITCH!" CRACK! "YOU- WHACK! -MURDERD- SMACK! -THE- WHACK! -WOMAN- CRACK! -I LOVED- WHACK! -FOR A STUPID PIG!?" CRACK! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" WHACK! "WHY- CRACK! -CAN'T- SMACK! -YOU- WHACK! -EVER- CRACK! -TAKE- WHACK! -THINGS- SMACK! -SERIOUSLY!?"

Mable didn't respond she was too busy sobbing and crying out in pain from the non-stop blows dealt to her body...

"Hey! Which one of you brats stole my Time- Blendin paused as he saw the vicious beatdown before him... "Uh...on second thought...you keep it...I'll just...yeah..." He walks away awkwardly...

invisible to all...Slenderman gleefully watched the carnage. **"Oh, Dipper...I know a broken heart makes one do stupid things...but you should know better then to listen to the words of a monster." **He laughs.

**"Hmmm...I wonder how Wendy is doing...?"**

...

Wendy groaned, her head felt like it had been run over...she was sprawled out on the floor. She slowly and agonizingly made it to her feet...she struggled to stay on her feet by using lockers to hold her up.

_"Wait, lockers? Am...am I in a school?" _While Wendy tried to bring order to her spinning head and remember how she got there...she happened to look inside a classroom door window and spot a classroom full of grade-schoolers having...Valentine's day?

_"Wha? Valentines...isn't it summer?"_

If that wasn't confusing enough... _"DIPPER!?" _Indeed...it was Dipper...or a younger Dipper anyway- with all the times Mable shoved that scrapbook in her face, how could she NOT recognize a younger version of her best friend?

While she tried to make sense of the ever accumulating insanity...she a sad Dipper dump out...an empty valetine box?

"Hey! Dipper got nothing again, big surprise!"

"What a loser!"

"Not surprising, what girl would like a weirdo like you?!"

Dipper sobbed-

**BOOM!**

Dipper looked up in time to see two things: One the door being kicked down, and a red-headed angel giving each of those jerks a wedgie.

The angel then came to him, "Don't listen to them Dipper! You'll find someone you'll love I know it!" She gives him a small peck on the cheek...Dipper blushes..but not because of the kiss-

"Young Lady! How dare you attack my kids and prance about nude! I'm calling the police!" Shouted the teacher

Wendy frowned, "First of;, control your dang class better! Second...wait, was that last part?"

And then she felt a breeze...a breeze that SHOULD NOT BE. With growing dread...Wendy looked down and saw she was completely naked.

Suddenly as red as her hair, she covered Herself, "Oh, boy."

**ZAP!**

In a flash of light, the soon to be legendary 'Red Vandal' disappeared as mysteriously as she'd come...

...III…...

TO BE CONTINUED?

**AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!**

**Love me, flame me, review me**


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